There are many different ways that people discover and connect to their encore careers. This month we are highlighting Judith Henry, a woman who turned her challenge of care giving for her mother and father into a career of helping other boomers who are experiencing these same kinds of challenges. Encore Tampa Bay is committed to bringing you inspirational local stories of people who have chosen to live a life on purpose in the second half!!
Written by Judith Henry
In 2007, I began caring for my mom, who was diagnosed with breast cancer, and my dad, who’d had a bad fall. It was shocking how much data had to be absorbed quickly, then followed up with decisions that were often made under stress when emotions were running high. Since much of my time was spent dealing with quality of life issues and honoring my parents’ wishes, there was great concern about making the right choices. A six-year roller coaster ride, the experience literally became the catalyst for everything I’ve done since – the book, the writer’s group and the talks I give. Having learned so much, it was imperative to me that the information be shared with the hopes of helping other caregivers feel understood, supported, and more prepared.
Before 2007, I moved from Tampa to Los Angeles where I managed a clinical research study for a gifted epidemiologist at UCLA. When my parents became ill two years later, I came back to Tampa, and began working for my previous employer in the capacity of Managing Director, a position I still hold. Like many caregivers today, I continued to juggle work responsibilities along with helping my parents, who lived in Orlando.
At the age of 62, I’ve written a book, The Dutiful Daughter’s Guide to Caregiving: A Practical Memoir, which describes the experience of caring for my parents during the last phase of their lives. An honest account with a healthy dose of humor, it also serves a purpose. Each chapter discusses a particular topic of importance on the caregiving spectrum, such as the need for certain legal and healthcare documents, handling upended family dynamics, talking to doctors, practicing self-care, and dealing with grief and loss.
I also facilitate a monthly writer’s group specifically for caregivers interested in putting their thoughts and experiences on paper. In addition, I do talks on caring for aging parents, expressive writing, and the importance of creating a legacy letter or ethical will. This is a document that shares your values and beliefs, life experience, and hard-won wisdom. It includes an opportunity to pay tribute to the people you love and offer up your hopes and wishes for their future.
The feedback I’ve received from my encore work has really been food for the soul and makes me know I’m on the right path.
- A sister and brother, using the book as a simple to understand reference tool, were able to start a much-needed conversation with their aging parents about ensuring their safety and continued care.
- Members of our writer’s group, continue to share how good it feels to be able to laugh and cry and write about the ups and downs of caregiving without fear of judgment because they’re with people who understand the mix of emotions and sentiments that are part of this experience.
- We rarely allow ourselves the time to think about those who have influenced our lives. In the legacy letter talks, I encourage these thoughts and sometimes participants are able to view an experience in a different and more positive way. One woman, when asked who her hero was, realized that it is her son, who was developmentally disabled. She’d never thought about him before in that context, but when she stopped to think that every morning he gets up and faces the world, knowing that it will be a struggle, she is in awe of his courage.
I believe we’re on this planet to help each other, in whatever capacity we can. Caregiving is hard work, even when performed with great love. When we’re not afraid to speak truthfully about the challenges, it creates an opportunity for dialogue that can change things for the better. It’s both humbling and gratifying to know that I can be a small part of that.
Judith Henry currently resides in Tampa. Visit her website for more information about her book.
___________________________________
If you are inspired to find your “encore”, to live a life that matters to you- please let us help you along your journey.
Bevan Rogel
Encore Tampa Bay